7 Things People In Long-Term Relationships Know About Great Sex

Anybody who's been in a long-term relationship remembers how exciting it was in the beginning—the butterflies, the racing heartbeat, the constant sex. But the truth is, for most couples, the heat eventually starts to cool. In fact, a 2016 study of heterosexual couples published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that while there's an upswing in sexual satisfaction during the first 12 months of a relationship, it's followed by a steady decline after the one-year anniversary. (Womp, womp.)

Still, the happiest long-term couples among us obviously know a thing or two about keeping up the excitement—if they didn't, nobody would be monogamous. We sussed out their sexy wisdom by talking to Amy Jo Goddard, sexual empowerment coach and author of Woman on Fire: 9 Elements to Wake Up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power, and Sexual Intelligence, who regularly works with couples in long-term relationships. Here, the seven best tips we can learn from them.

When that overwhelming can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other feeling fades, people often think something’s wrong, says Goddard. “But you’re simply moving into a new phase of the relationship.” Rather than freak out, solid couples take this comfort and closeness as an opportunity to explore a deeper level of intimacy that isn’t possible when you first get together, she explains. In other words, while all new relationships can be fun and passionate, the best is yet to come.

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Unselfconscious sex is better sex

After you've been together for a while, your partner has learned all your weird quirks, witnessed your ugly crying face, and seen you naked more times than you can count. And guess what? They still want to have sex with you. Which means you get to stop worrying and embrace your confidence. It’s pretty common to fear judgment or rejection in the early stages of a relationship, explains Goddard. But as your emotional connection deepens, so does the opportunity for honesty and exploration.

Fantasies are meant for sharing

Being open and direct with your long-term partner doesn’t just nix awkwardness; it uncovers a whole new realm of sexual satisfaction. According to Goddard, it often takes couples a long time to be truly honest with each other when it comes to fantasies and fetishes. “They might be excited about something internally, but have a hard time sharing with their partner," she says. With time brings comfort and the confidence to tell your partner about the deep dark desires you’ve been hiding from the world—like your dream to have a threesome or get it on in a public place. After all, your boo's there to love you, not judge you.

Practice makes perfect

Sure, the sex may have felt exciting and magical when you were first hooking up. But, reality check: it takes time to learn just what makes another person tick. “You get to know someone’s body in a very different way over time,” says Goddard. So while a new beau may be able to get you going, only a long-term love can create a roadmap of every spot that makes your toes curl.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

With a new partner, it can be tough to explain exactly what you crave sexually. “I don’t know where the idea started that talking about sex ruins it,” says Goddard. “Because it’s truly the number one thing that will open up a relationship in general, and especially with sex.” In fact, according to the Archives of Sexual Behavior study about long-term relationships, communication was one factor that had a positive influence on sexual satisfaction with the couples. Learning to discuss your desires is anything but unsexy, explains Goddard, and having an honest conversation about what's working and what could use some improvement is totally empowering—and leads to even better sex.

Great sex transcends the bedroom

Many great artists were inspired by a muse who, more often than not, was also a lover. That's not surprising, says Goddard, because a strong sexual connection can impact much more than your time between the sheets. “It starts with that core sexual energy and how we choose to direct it and use it,” she says. “We feel more alive, we’re more productive, we have more energy, and we feel healthier. I’ve watched it in so many people in my career. When you wake that part up, you wake up other amazing things.”

You've got to be open to learn new things

There's one trait that keeps sexual excitement alive more than anything else, says Goddard: Curiosity. “We have to stay curious about our partners and not think ‘oh I know them so well I can finish their sentences,’” she says. Remember that sexuality is a lifelong growth process, and just like your mind changes over time, so does your body. It’s only when people stop exploring, expanding, and growing their sexuality that they get bored and stop having sex, Goddard explains. Instead of just mindlessly going through the motions when you hit the bedroom, successful couples keep bringing new energy, she says. “Sexuality is not meant to go on autopilot. It’s far more dynamic than that.

10 Questions to Ask a New Partner Before Having Sex

Before hopping into bed with a new sex partner, have an open and honest conversation about your sexual histories, risks, and the last time you were tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Knowing someone's test results isn't enough. "Even if your partner tested negative for HIV last week, it doesn't mean he or she isn't HIV positive," says Perry N. Halkitis, PhD, a psychologist specializing in HIV at New York University. "Most HIV tests can only detect the virus starting three to six months after infection—so you should ask about your partner's sexual history for the past six months."

Here's what you need to find out. Of course, you probably won't get too far down the list if you just roll out the interrogation; but these are the questions you really do need answers to, one way or another. One option: Start by sharing your own history, and see what you get back.

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1. Are you HIV positive?

2. Have you ever tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease? If so, were you treated?

3. How many sex partners have you had since your last STD and HIV tests?

4. Have you had any STDs in the past six months?

5. If you have been diagnosed with herpes or genital warts, are you having outbreaks? Are you being treated?

6. Have you been at risk for HIV in the past six months?

7. Do you have any objection to using a condom?

8. Are you allergic to latex?

9. Are you on any form of birth control?

10. Which sexual activities do you want to engage in?

Guide to BDSM Toys

There are so many sex toys out there to choose from, which is great! But it can also be overwhelming for those who are new to toys and don’t know what’s worth buying from lists of 500+ items. You want to make sure it’s safe, decent-quality, and worth the price tag, but you’re also exploring something novel that you might not know all the terms for.

Blindfolds and Hoods

Blindfolds and hoods are used for sensory deprivation – when unable to see, folks frequently report that their other senses are more focused and that they are more sensitive to whatès going on around them. Hoods come in many different styles with any combination of mouth, nose, or eye holes being covered. Many feel that a blindfold or hood makes them feel less self-conscious – when I was new to being dominant, I always felt more comfortable when the submissive was blindfolded as they couldn’t see my face so I didn’t need to worry that I wasn’t “looking the part” of a dominant. Sleep masks or scarves tied over the eyes make great makeshift blindfolds if you’re curious about blindfolds but aren’t ready to invest in one!

Bondage

Look for soft materials – leather, nylon, silicone, neoprene, pleather, or bondage tape. Avoid handcuffs, even the fuzzy kind! These can cause serious and permanent nerve damage. Cotton or silk rope is also a fun option, though make sure to have safety scissors on hand for any rope play. Bondage tape sticks to itself and not your skin, so it can be used anywhere on the body and around any type of surface. Bondage kits are a good option if you’re looking for several items – for instance, the Complete Bondage Kit includes wrist and ankle cuffs, a faux leather flogger, a ball gag, a collar, leash, blindfold, feather tickler, hogtie, and rope. These kits are usually cheaper than buying each piece individually and are a great (affordable) way for people to try out a number of different types of kink play to see what works best for them. It is important to never leave someone alone in the room while they are tied up.

Clamps and Nipple Play

 

There are so many types of nipple clamps out there that it’s hard to know where to begin when you first want to explore nipple play.
Clothespins tend to be a good starting-point as they are a common enough find that you can discreetly buy some in order to see if you like clamps without spending much money. They can be wooden or plastic (avoid plastic ones with teeth) and are recommended for single-use only as they are nearly impossible to sterilize and therefore can harbour bacteria from one use to the next. You cannot adjust how tight they are on your nipples.
Micro-Pliered clamps have a screw used to adjust how much pressure they exert on your nipples.
Tweezer clamps tend to have a smaller surface area, thus the pressure is more concentrated and may feel more intense. Depending on your nipple size and shape, you may find that you have a very hard time making tweezer-style clamps to stay on your nipples. You can adjust the intensity of these, though not as much as micro-pliered clamps.
Clover/Butterfly clamps are probably the most advanced kind of nipple clamp. Unlike other kinds of clamps, when you pull on the end of a clover clamp it tightens on the nipple, exerting more pressure. Even when they aren’t being pulled, clover clamps are very powerful.
Weights and chains can be added to some types of clamps – these increase the pressure, pain, and intensity of the clamps. When you’re moving, chains or weights can add even more intensity through the way they pull on your nipples.
Nipple suckers can be vacuums, pumps, or suction. Unlike clamps, they aren’t painful – instead, they increase the sensitivity and blood flow to your nipples temporarily.

Collars and Leashes

 

When selecting a collar, pay attention to what the intended purpose is. Is it meant to be decorative, functional, humiliating, or for posture? Most collars come with an o-ring on the front for you to attach a leash to or to secure the wearer’s neck to a piece of furniture, however, some of the more decorative collars do not so make sure to keep an eye on that if it’s important to you.
Leashes can be used in conjunction to a collar to exhibit more control over the wearer by simply tugging on the leash like you would a dog. Pay attention to how long the leash is as this will impact what positions you can have your submissive in.

Gags

There are a few kinds of gags to chose from – the most common being ball, bar, or o-ring – and each type comes with their own advantages and disadvantages. It is important to not leave someone alone when gagged and to have a non-verbal safeword in place in case something goes wrong (the standard one being the submissive tapping their hand twice).
Ball Gags

These can have holes or be one solid ball. The ones with holes are easier to breathe through while using but are typically made out of a hard plastic which caused more strain on your jaw and mouth than one with a silicone or rubber ball. Silicone balls have more give and so it’s easier to relax your jaw for a bit or bite into it in the middle of a scene. Be aware that the larger the ball is, the wider you’ll need to keep your mouth and thus the quicker your jaw will become sore. Ball gags tend to pinch at the corners of your mouth after extended use. These restrict a lot of speech and also have a higher choking hazard than the bar or o-ring gags.
Bar Gags
Also known as “bit gags”, these feature a bar that is typically made out of silicone, plastic, or (less commonly) metal. They pinch your mouth less than ball gags do, are easier to speak around, and also restrict the breathing less than a ball gag.
O-Ring Gags
Usually made out of metal or silicone, this type of gag fits behind your teeth and does not restrict your breathing. They make it difficult to speak and pinch the corners of your mouth just like a ball gag does. You may be able to perform oral sex while wearing one of these gags. Keep in mind that the larger the ring’s diameter, the wider you will have to keep your mouth and thus the quicker your jaw will tire.

Impact Toys

When it comes to impact, there are “thuddy” toys and “stingy”/“sharp” toys – think of the difference between getting punched versus slapped. Many people consider stingy toys (canes, crops, whips, some floggers) to hurt more than thuddy toys (paddles, some floggers), though individual preferences vary.
Material also plays a big role in how much a toy hurts. Below is a guide to know how things will feel!
Keep cleanliness in mind – it is just as important to clean an impact toy as it is to clean something that’s going inside of you. Impact toys may come into contact with blood (even if the submissive does not seem to be cut, for example if you hit them on a pimple), sweat, spit, ejaculate or pre-ejaculate and/or lube, and they may come into contact with genitals. As such, make sure you know how to clean your toys between every use.

How to Introduce Sex Toys into the Bedroom

Only 30% of women can orgasm through intercourse alone! So there is many women finding other ways to get the job done, i.e. experimenting with Sex Toys. Indeed not only women are pulling out Sex Toys in the bedroom men are warming and welcoming the new additions in the bedroom. Times are changing and you just might be surprised by your partner’s reaction on adding this exciting pleasure tool that will enhance your sex life.

• Approaching the subject

If you have never used sex toys, approaching the subject with your significant other can be downright scary. Even now a days in modern Ireland many people still feel sex toys are equated with giant silicone penises, and what man wants an opponent like that? But luckily there are many less intimidating options that won’t scare the newbies. Start small and introduce something that will pleasure both of you for example Cock Ring . As we all know making love is all about sharing emotions, sensation and orgasms. If you want to add a bit more fun to your favourite music connect the Music Vibrator to your iPod or iPhone and slip away into your own pleasure zone.

• 
  

  Communicate

Communication is the key in any relationship and this translates to the bedroom as well. When bringing up the subject of introducing a sex toy into the bedroom be sure to stress that it will be an enhancement to sex. Most likely they will be equally as curious. But if your partner is against using a sex toy, buy one on your own and give it a solo test run. With time he might change his mind when he sees there’s nothing to be insecure about. If you are looking for a discrete sophisticated pleasure tool, look no further than the Crave – Duet Dual Motor Vibrator. Crave have specifically designed this vibrator to cater for the vast needs of any woman. Its dual tip design surrounds the clitoris, amplifying the vibrations where you desire the most. Chose from four vibration settings to fulfil your every desirable need.

• Experiment

Intimacy is the goal. Only you know what works in your relationship and when you communicate honestly, you are on the way to building the foundation for a healthy relationship. It is entirely up to you to decide whether you will introduce sex toys into the bedroom, but a little experimenting never hurt anyone! Remember its important to Invest in Pleasure.

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1. Enjoy intense orgasms with the Spider, a realistic male masturbator that you can stick to any smooth surface for full-on hands-free fun. The Spider also has a pivoting arm that allows you to adjust the angle and replicate all manner of sexual positions.
   
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How to use a Dildo for sex pleasure

Not the best advice for … anything really, especially sex toys. Granted, it can be as simple as insertion, but there’s so much more we can think about: type, pressure, position, environment, participant etc.

Let’s start with the trip to the store. Your wallet is obviously going to restrict your choices, however, most decent stores should carry a wide variety to suit any budget.

Things to think about:

What size do you want? This means length and girth (how long and how thick). Remember that the most sensitive area is in the first 1/3 of the vagina, so there’s no need to get one as big as your arm (yes, they do make those).

SexFlesh MultiSpeed Maddox Vibrating Dildo with SuctionV1 DV-044

Some girls like the “completely filled” feeling. Others like it barely-there. Whatever floats your boat.  If you’re not sure, think about how many fingers you can take during play time. That’s generally a good guide. If you’re STILL not sure, it might bet better to buy one on the smaller side (especially when buying anal plugs).

Next is possibly the hardest part about buying a sex toy - the material . You can find rubber, jelly, latex, glass, stone, metal, wood, silicone, leather, plastic, and Cyberskin - and each has their own pros and cons.

There’s also style, firmness, rigidness, flexibility, and purpose (anal, vaginal, two partners etc)

WARNING: some materials used in dildos are unsafe for the body and hard to clean (this writer personally stays a million miles away from Jelly toys). However, we will have to come back to these details at a later date -- information regarding materials and care is so large, it needs a dedicated blog post.

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Setting the Mood

Some people might roll their eyes at this, but getting in the right mood is essential - for two very important reasons - relaxed vagina muscles and lubrication. We certainly don’t shove in a penis in when things are dry. A dildo is no exception.

Do you prefer the room dark or with the lights on? Need to lock the door? Love scented candles or go crazy for a certain smell? Do you like to be watched? (Who said toy time HAD to be alone?)

Fantasize, read an erotic story, listen to music that turns you on, watch some porn, watch your partner do something sexy, ask for some tongue action, jump on the foreplay train, or use your fingers for a while - anything to get the juices flowing. Even if you use lube (which you should with any of these toys), this slick assistant sometimes isn’t enough. Double trouble lubrication is never a bad thing.

Getting in the mood also relaxes you. This makes it much easier to slide in a toy. You can also take advantage of the multiple orgasm ability, and have a few of them before hand.

Mr. Realist Vibrating Dildo V1 DV-026

Various Techniques

Take things slow and keep breathing (when there’s discomfort, we tend to hold our breath - this, in turn, makes everything tense). Start with shallow, gentle thrusts. Then slowly build to whatever levels you find comfortable. Play around with depth, speeds, rhythm, and rotation (yes rotation) until you come across the perfect pattern that makes your body scream, “YES!”

Deep Thrusting - Go straight in and fill the entire length of the vagina. For this, you’ll need a firm toy. It doesn’t have to be super rigid, but softer ones are harder to use this way. This technique is also great for ribbed or textured toys.

Short and Shallow - You can do this by angling the toy so the tip runs along the top or bottom wall of the vagina (towards your tummy or your back). If you want to focus on your G-spot, find something with the proper curve that’s meant to find this magic button.

Pressure Play - Experiment with gentle pressures, hard pressures, and everything in between. You can also try squeezing and relaxing your pelvic muscles for extra tightness (the muscles you use to stop peeing).

Move That Body - Keeping movements to a minimum works for some, but don’t be afraid to put a little hip into it. Work that mid-section the same way you would thrust against your partner.

Good Vibrations - Incorporate wands, finger toys, or whatever wiggles. If the sensation is too strong, you can put some material between the toy and the clit.

SexFlesh MultiSpeed Maddox Vibrating Dildo with SuctionV3 DV-046

Pleasurable Positions

Lie on your back or face-down. These positions, however, put more stress on the wrists or joints. The discomfort can be mitigated with bending your knees towards your chest or putting pillows in places that take away unwanted pressure.

Doggy style. For this one, you’ll need to purchase a toy with a suction cup base. You can stick it against a headboard or a wall, get into position, and rock it until the neighbors call with noise complaints.

Speaking of suction cups… You can attach your little friend to a chair, stool, coffee table, even the floor. This is especially good because it leaves your hands free to play with other things or use other toys (I would recommend a Hitachi wand or finger vibrator). Also, if you’re on a chair, that doesn’t mean your feet have to be on the floor. Get creative and go crazy.

Not just a kid’s toy anymore.  Remember those big rubber balls you would sit on and bounce around? If you’re feeling truly adventurous, and a simple chair isn’t doing it for you, there are hopping-ball dildos for us big kids.

In the shower or bath. The suction cup toys work very well here too. The non-stick ones work fine if you want to use them, just make sure the water isn’t too high and the toy is (under)waterproof. Careful you don’t slip!

Change the Temperature

Ice cubes or heat activated lubes aren’t anything new, but did you know you can heat or cool your dildo? The materials and methods, however, are VERY important.

Glass Dildos - Many people might have reservations about using something that could shatter, but a good quality glass dildo should be made of Pyrex and will NOT break. You could have a sword fight with one and it won’t even chip. It definitely pays not to go cheap, though. If you’re still hesitant, do some extensive research before purchasing.

 

SexFlesh MultiSpeed Maddox Vibrating Dildo with SuctionV4 DV-047

Metal Dildos - A far more comfortable option if you’re still worried about glass, but you’ll notice a weight and price difference.

Stone Dildos - Another in the line of environmentally friendly toys which is also on the pricey side. However, like their steel siblings, they retain heat and coolness far better and for much longer.

Heating and cooling are as simple as leaving it in the freezer (in a clean ziplock bag) or putting it in hot/warm water until you get the desired temperature. If it’s cold, put on LOTS of lube or a condom (still with lube) before play - do you remember what happened when you stuck your tongue to that frozen lamp-post? 

Too hot or too cold? Leave it sit for a while.

WARNING: Never, ever, put a glass dildo in a microwave - it creates uneven hot spots, and you could seriously burn yourself. You shouldn’t be putting a metal one in there either (for obvious reasons).

Mixing and spicing it up: 

·         A dildo in the vagina

·         A butt plug in the backside

·         A plug AND dildo for double penetration

·         A penis in the vagina and a toy in the backside

·         A toy (dildo or vibrator) in the vagina and a penis in the backside

·         Toys and fingers

·         Toys, penis, AND fingers

·         (I’ve officially made my birthday list)

Have a Skype date with a lover and put on a show for them.

Tie up your partner and drive them crazy by making them watch but not touch.

Get into some pair action with both parties using a toy. M/M, F/F, M/F doesn’t matter.

If it’s a male partner, consider getting a prostate massager. Even use a vibrator on the penis or around the anus (remember to keep things clean).

Want some strap-on action? You need to think about all the purchasing points we mentioned above, what style of harness you would prefer, AND if the dildo will fit into the “O” ring of the harness.

Important Note: If you’re doing doubles with two girls, it isn’t as easy as you think. Even with a long, two-ended toy, there needs to be proper positioning and coordination. Lying on your back with your legs scissored together (and one person holding the center of the dildo) might work better.

 

SexFlesh MultiSpeed Maddox Vibrating Dildo with SuctionV5 DV-051

Other things to think about:

We strongly recommend you DO NOT use a dildo for anal sex.

Why?

The rectal opening (sphincter) closes pretty tightly and traps anything inside the anus - this is why we don’t mess ourselves during the course of our day. There’s always a chance of the dildo sliding in and the sphincter closing tighter than your grandma’s girdle. Add the fact you’ve used copious amounts of lube, and it’s a memorable trip to the hospital. And don’t think that if the toy’s long, it won’t get trapped.

Also, some people might freak out after they buy a toy, use it once, then find the next time doesn’t feel as good. If that’s the case, don’t worry.

It’s the same as sex. Just because you like something one night, doesn’t mean you’re going to like it the next. Maybe you’re on your period. Perhaps you’ve had an intense day at the gym. The job could have taken a big toll on you that day. It’s for this reason some people have more than one style of toy.

Dildo Vibrating
  Dildo Non vibrating
  Glass Dildo
  Sex Fucking Machine
  Music Vibrator
  Nalone luxury Vibrator
  G Spot Vibrator
  Nipple Vibrator
  Sex Kit
  Electro Sextoys
  Rabbit Vibrator
  Pussy Pump
  We vibe
  ACCESSORIES FOR GIRLS
  Vibrating Panty
  Artificial Hymen
  Lelo- Vibrator For Women
  Vibrating Massager
  Breast Enlargement Machine
  Bullet Vibrator
  Breast Silicone Bra & Pad
  Silicone Breast Prosthesis
  GoGirl Female Urinate Device
  Moon Period Cup
  SEXTOYS FOR BOYS
  Penis Enlarger Device
  Fleshlight Masturbator
  Spider Sower Masturbator
  Male Masturbation Toys
  Big Artificial Vagina
  Cock Ring
  Penis Extender Sleeve
  Inflatable Love Doll
  Silicone Love Doll
  Sex Real Doll
  SEXTOYS FOR COUPLE
  Strap On
  Anal Dildo
  Bondage Sex
  Kinky Pleasure
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  Personal Lubricant & Arousal Gel
  Penis Enlargement cream
  Breast Enlargement cream
  Desensitizers
  Herbal Sexy Products
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